There is a talk by Brene Brown on the ‘Hidden Damage of Gossip’. This is a great topic, because with social media these days it seems to have made people more freely to talk about others and in turn breaking the trust volt.
What you share with me, I will hold in confidence.
We do all do it. Most of the time it’s done innocently enough but then there are those times of true damage, where it was done with the intent to harm and hurt someone else (whether it be with or without their knowledge).
Let me explain.
The moments where we talk to family or close friends about a mutual friend, whether they have asked us about that person specifically, or whether they have struck up a conversation and said ‘what’s been going on?’ and we may have nothing exciting then we inadvertently talk about someone else and what they’ve been up to.
We are in fact betraying their trust, because as Brene Brown explains …… it’s NOT for us to tell. It’s their story.
Friendships built on gossip
Frequently we find people are building relationships on common enemy intimacy (as Brene Brown calls it). This is where their relationship is built purely on the gossip of others. Sound or feel familiar?
In these types of relationships, guess what happen when you stopping talking about other?
You discover you have nothing in common and nothing to talk about. The ‘relationship’ crumbles.
Did I need this type of relationship?
No, you do NOT.
That is simply NOT a friendship or a relationship you need in your life.
If you find yourself feeling perhaps a relationship exists based on this merit, then take the time to step back and reflect on it. Stop talking about others and try to get the relationship to build on real foundations. And of course, if it doesn’t then be kind to yourself and walk away.
Would really call this type of relationship friendship?
When you share someone else’s gossip, it’s reflecting back on YOU. Because you are being viewed for what you are doing. In betraying someone else, people will only assume you will betray them. Whether you intend to or not.
Ways you can remind yourself not to fall into the trap is to think of the following:
- Would you want them to be your friend if your relationship is built on gossip?
- Would you want them to gossip about you?
- Would you want them to have the opinion of you that you can’t be trusted?
- How do you want others to perceive you?
You deserve to have amazing friends who value you for who you truly are, so make it your goal to only allow and build those types of relationships. There are lots of beautiful amazing people just waiting to be your friend.
What have been your experiences with friendships?